Nuance and Context is Everything
By Antonella Spatola
In a world where empowerment has become a buzzword and boundaries are often oversimplified as "just say no," we must pause and reflect on the nuances of personal agency. Boundaries are not a one-size-fits-all concept. They are deeply personal, shaped by age, culture, personality, self-awareness, and lived experiences. Yet, in the name of empowerment, there's often an unspoken pressure to conform to someone else's version of what boundaries should look like.
Let's challenge that narrative.
Empowerment Isn't a Template
True empowerment starts within. It's not about loudness or bravado—it's about aligning with your values and a sense of self. For one person, setting boundaries might mean avoiding a toxic relationship. For another, it might mean learning to stay and navigate a tough conversation gracefully. Both are valid, but they are vastly different.
When we dictate what empowerment looks like, we inadvertently project our worldview onto others, silencing their individuality. Instead of encouraging women to follow prescriptive rules, we need to ask more profound questions:
What does safety mean to you?
What are your boundaries, limits and priorities at this moment?
How can you respect your truth while honouring your relationships and culture?
The Role of Personality and Self-Agency
Personality traits profoundly influence how we establish and enforce boundaries. Some naturally assertive people find it easier to vocalise their needs, while others with a more introspective disposition prioritise quiet self-reflection. Frameworks like personality profiling (e.g., the Enneagram or DISC) can offer profound insights into why we set boundaries the way we do.
Through self-awareness, we can honour these tendencies instead of fighting them.
For example:
A Type 9 will go with the crowd to avoid causing disruption. This response of not speaking up gives her a feeling of safety and balance. Sometimes, the 9 needs to take heed and realise that speaking up is actually the exact thing she needs to do to assert her boundary.
A Type 7 is naturally more outgoing and outspoken. They will speak up and not consider who they might be offending. Sometimes, this reaction works, and other times, a 7 may benefit from taking a pause and realising that speaking up is not what is required right now. Both approaches are valid and rooted in self-agency—the ability to make informed decisions aligned with one's values.
This is why when I teach Empowerment Self Defence, it is not a cookie-cutter approach for the group.
Culture and Boundaries
Cultural narratives play a significant role in shaping how we think about boundaries. In some cultures, collective well-being takes precedence over individual needs. Boundaries might revolve around negotiation and compromise rather than hard, immovable lines for someone raised in this environment.
This is not a weakness; it's a reflection of deeply ingrained values. Empowerment in these cases lies in balancing respect for cultural norms with personal growth—a delicate dance of honouring heritage while carving out space for individuality. This is what is required in our modern society. A little bit of introspection and quelling social norms is exactly what is needed to break through oppressive mindsets.
The Danger of Division
As we explore boundaries, it's critical to recognise that oppression and abuse do not just come from one gender, one group, or one ideology—they come from a mindset rooted in power and control. Misogyny, whether expressed by men or women, thrives when we impose rigid ideals and force division. Similarly, outdated beliefs or systemic abuses of power often pit people against each other, making genuine connection and empowerment feel out of reach.
True empowerment requires unity, not division. It demands that we reject narratives that fuel hate or enforce stereotypes and instead embrace the diverse ways women—and all individuals—can express their strength.
As the plant moves into the age of Aquarius, we are more than ever required to question old patterns and institutions. Those whom we were told we should implicitly trust and believe are actually the ones we should stop listening to. Do your research with an open mind and heart, and trust your instincts.
Finding What's True to You
So, how do you define boundaries for yourself? It starts with:
Looking Within: Explore your personality, values, and needs. Tools like personality profiling and self-reflection exercises can help you understand your tendencies and strengths.
Investing in Self-Growth: Build self-agency through education, mentorship, and personal development. Growth is a journey, not a destination.
Adopting a Growth Mindset: See boundaries not as fixed rules but as evolving guides. What feels right today might shift tomorrow—and that's okay.
Encourage, Don't Dictate
Let's stop telling other women what they should do. Instead, let's encourage them to uncover their own truths and explore what safety, strength, and empowerment mean to them. Boundaries aren't about compliance; they're about choice.
By embracing individuality and rejecting oppressive or divisive beliefs, we can build a world where empowerment is truly universal—a world where boundaries honour the uniqueness of every person.
Your boundaries are yours. Own them. Respect them. And let others do the same.
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